Monday, July 30, 2012

Affliction + Endurance = Promised Victory

Today's evening sermon spoke right to me for many reasons. As the pastor was speaking I felt and thought to myself.. "surely God put those specific words in pastors mouth just for ME" then.. " wow, sorry people that this evening message was just for me." lol. Of course I know that it was not "just" for me.. but God is always so wonderful like that.. Even when I am in a room filled with hundreds of people.. he can speak right to me and make me feel like the only one. Its quite special what God does. 

Affliction and Endurance = Promised Victory

Thank you for reading my blog today.. Its been a while since I have blogged. Tons of things happening in the summer which get me all caught up and leaves little time for all the things I love to do. Like tell you my story. So tonight... I finally said.. YES to making time to blog. Glad to see you are still with me. 

My walk... slowed. By walk you understand I mean my forward motion in my practice of Christ like living. It started slowing at the start of summer... I got caught up in summer activities and the hustle and bustle of having all kiddos home, needing "super mom".. that by the end of my days I would feel fried. I noticed I started to become very robotic in my prayers.. then went to praying only in the morning, at meal times and a quick good night prayer. I caught this, but didn't feel I had the energy to do much about it. I started to feel most days just mentally drained by all the on goings of my day. Why I allowed myself to buy into the nonsense of me being "to tired to pray or devote any more time to God" I have no idea.. but really I know that the best thing for me is to take more time for Him.. and he will give me the strength. And He has.. cause God is good all the time! As I take steps to get back into the life he has set for me, each step he strengthens.. and I learn that through my moments of "exhaustion" I was learning endurance. See even though I haven't been praying as much or studying as much as I used to, I never changed my faith and love for my God. I never once thought God wasn't there still by my side. He was always with me, is always with me.. I just kept myself so busy that I didnt take time to acknowledge him or simply talk to him. My faith endured, My love endured. My hope endured, and because I endured through and kept My Lord in my heart... He heard my cries and he has raised me up and carried me through. Currently He carries me through those "busy" days.. and each day I am getting back to where I need to be. The truth as we all know.. is that its soo easy to get caught up in our day to day.. that important people can get set aside. Great news about MY GOD, he wont take me off his Facebook "friends" list if I forget to tell him hi. lol. He just waits patiently. when I am faithful in my passion for Christ, I will receive the promised victory. 
When my faith includes works once again... I will be blessed.

Affliction.... this is life sometimes.. and no one likes it. This is where the hard stuff comes in... Affliction, when something causes us to "suffer". Can God be in affliction? In my life.. I have been through many trials, many hurts, many betrayals.. and I can say the hardest is when those things happen right in the home. Affliction can be brought on you even by those who love you.. wow that's the hard stuff. Can God be there? in the midst of that? If so why isnt he doing something to help his "faithful servant?". Well.. if indeed you are that faithful servant... then I can say yes! God is there.. and he is quite possibly using this moment in your life to strengthen you and grow you.. to prepare you for what he has in store for you. So that at the end of your suffering.. all can see that He truly is a God that keeps his promise, He truly is a God that does things "His way" for your benefit and His Glory. In the end we are stronger for it, more humble because of it, and victoriously living the life we were meant to. Sounds hard though right.. I mean who really wants to go through all kinds of hurt or struggle to get to the "good stuff"? Do you? DO I? ... 
My answer..... Yes.  Because its what a humble servant does. Yes because I trust my God, Yes because I want to be able to live out the life God has for me. Yes because I want to learn, and understand, and not fall behind do to my lake of endurance. Yes because I know my God hears my prayers and he will answer and give unto me those things of which he knows my heart desires. 
For me, I have come to understand that God is so totally preparing me for something big.. I already see it coming together right before my eyes. He is using me to show His glory and His works. There is affliction, but that affliction is building me a testimony.... one of which others who see and hear it will without a doubt know is the great works of God.. and it will give hope to those who are in a similar position in their lives.

Every member of my family has been transformed over the past year, every single one of them. None of which I had anything to do with. In all my years of being a mother.. being a wife.. a daughter.. "my works" never managed to change one inch of our "troubles". God comes in and in a matter of months nothing is as it were. The moment I let go and let God take over.. everything has fallen into a very specific place in time that only God can foresee and simultaneously direct. There is good stuff going on inside of us all and I see it daily. 

So I guess what I am tryin to relay to you, is this, even when it seems that your world is upside down.. or moving at the speed of light.. or just plain stuck in a groundhog day effect.. don't give up hope. Don't abandon your faith, don't set God aside to "rest". God is more than enough and he wants to strengthen your every step. Even in times of affliction, don't think God isnt there making sure things don't get too carried away.. or stray you so far that you don't see or hear him any more.. Keep being faithful. Keep praying .. keep an expectant heart! And rejoice.. cause the end result of your patience, obedience, and endurance.. is going to be such a sweet sweet victory that you will not be able to contain it. I believe this with my whole heart. And its why I write. I want to be living proof of Gods Glory. I am his faithful servant, I do endure through this life and its sometimes "not so great" situations.. because My precious God loves me.. and He will keep to his promise.. He will never leave me or forsake me.. He will grant me my victory.. my hearts desires.. He will make a way for me whenever there seems to be no way, He will grant me prosperity, and when he stands for me , no one will be able to stand against me. 

and I will say.. that just being loved by Him is already enough.

 I am taking steps to get back in line with Gods will for me.. as it is in heaven so shall it be on earth. 
I will write again soon. 

Thank you for reading.

Saturday, June 2, 2012


It has been a few weeks since my last post... 
This I will assure you, GOD is still perfect! And GOOD! 
A few things I want to share. One... This past Memorial Day marks the 1yr anniversary ( I suppose we can call it that) of me surrendering to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 1 Year since I have practiced the walk and the talk!!! Hallelujah God has been faithful and good through it all. I am still on fire for God.. I am still so passionate about my Lord... and I am still growing and learning and surrendering to his will and glorifying him for all the blessings. 

Today God gave me a gift!!! 

Since I have been going to Cornerstone Church, I have always tithed and always enjoyed all the church had to offer. I had known the difference of attending church and being a member of the church. I didnt feel it necessary at first to "become a member". And to get to know God, that still holds true.. I have been communicating with my God for this entire year and not needed a membership card to talk to my creator!  However, over time I have discovered some great benefits to becoming a member... for instance, free classes that non members would otherwise pay a fee for.. discounted retreats... and the big one.. discount on my sons education at CCS (Cornerstone Christian school). So as you can see becoming a member has its benefits. I also learned that there are tons of great things that come with being member that I DIDNT know about.. like, using their camp/retreat site at Tarpley, use of the church gym!, and I actually get a membership card! lol. which is kinda cool. lol. 
So today I spent the day at the church with my family learning what our church is all about, a bit of history on Pastor and the making of Cornerstone, along with what our church stands for and what parts of the bible does it stand in belief for... if your wondering... ALL OF IT. ALL THE GOSPEL, All the NEW AND OLD TESTAMENT. Amen! I know this is one of the things that most drew me to embrace Pastor and his teachings.. because he preaches right from the book. AT least since I have been there.. I have found nothing contradictory about anything he says. If I feel something didn't sound right, I have my own book to cross reference it.. and its always in accord. 

(side note: If you ever had that feeling that maybe you believed some of the bible but not all of it.. or if maybe the bible isnt exactly truth .. maybe some guys who wrote it just added some fun stuff in there.. I will tell you to test it.. The bible is the only book that was written over a period of some1400-1800 years by 40 different authors, and never once does it contradict itself. ) 

The class was great! The information was great!! The reading of the word was most excellent!! and they had a pretty tasty lunch the gave us as well!! PLUS Free child care!!! If that wasnt enough... 


Towards the end of the class we go over a few last topics and then we prayed before departing, and then the person teaching the class kinda does an alter call.. but this alter call wasn't to be saved, and acknowledge Jesus as our savior ( cause we obviously had already done that).. it was to be baptized.. but not by water.. baptized in the HOLY SPIRIT! 
Ok so I was thinking like many others... ... er?! then he goes to explain ... 

The baptism in the Holy Spirit is an empowering for service that takes place in the life of the Christian (Acts 1:5,8). In it we are immersed in the Spirit's life and power.
ACTS 1;5-8
For John baptized with[a] water, but in a few days you will be baptized with[b] the Holy Spirit.”
Then they gathered around him and asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?”
He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Matthew 3:11. "I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance, but He who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire." John the Baptist, was promising that when the Messiah came He would baptize them with the Holy Spirit. It was a promise of the indwelling of the Spirit of God. This was confirmed by Peter in Acts 11:16.

There are ton more scriptures about being baptized in the Holy Spirit.. you can look those up if you like or ask and I will send them to you... but for me I think the best thing I can say.. is that as I stood in the line of people who had chosen this day to get baptized in the Holy Spirit... I was excited!! I mean I really was nervous, but in a good way, I was shaking.. and i was smiling so big that my cheeks hurt! It was as if any moment I was going to be surprised with the biggest bestest gift I had never even seen or known about really. As I stood there.. 5th in line I believe... eyes closed... I prayed and asked God to give my the gift of the Holy Spirit in me .... and when the oil anointed my head and the prayers of Gods language poured over me.. My God stood to his promise... and I received the Holy Spirit! ... I began to speak in tongues .. my own special language to MY FATHER! 

Tears, tears! of joy and pain and complete surrender.. tears of love oh the LOVE!! I was for those few moments... in communion with GOD. Are you getting what I am saying.... wow! It was amazing.. of course, it was kinda scary at the same time.. and yes! a little embarrassing.. sorta.. cause I thought.. what did I sound like?? are they hearing me.. my husband was right next to me.. what happened to him.. did he talk in tongue too? is he freakin out to hear me?? lol. All these thoughts were mere seconds.. and then just .. just JOY.. great joy inside my spirit and heart. wow. 

Maybe you are thinking now.. that it was probably just something that happened cause I was caught up in the moment or that i was influenced by the leader... sure that might be something valid... BUT.. that doesnt explain me talking in tongues tonight while praying before writing this blog. I tell you I talked in tongues so loud that my pets  were all excited and stimulated around me. My twin daughters that were just laid down to bed .. stopped their giggling and foolin around and by the end of it, they were snoring. I prayed and sang in tongs so loud and full of joy and tears this evening.. that I was nearly parched by the end of it.. I almost couldn't stop! lol. It felt as if I had been needing to talk to God about certain things that in English I Just couldn't get it out.. like I kept myself from saying those things in prayer or feeling those things in worship.. I dunno know how better to explain it.. just to say.. that on my one year "anniversary" of picking up the cross and following Jesus..  

God, My Father, gave me the most PERFECT GIFT EVER!! 

I LOVE YOU  אבא !

Thank You for reading!
May God bless you today and every day!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Faith Without Works Is Dead.


Today while driving my son to school.. ( lots of things seems to manifest while driving my son to school.. my Ezekiel is destine to be great I just know it) .. My son witnessed me waving to a neighbor who was out walking his dogs. He looked at me and asked if that was the police officer that lives across from us.. I said no, that's just a neighbor from the neighborhood. Then puzzled he continues... How do you know all these people?! How do you just walk up to people and like that get to know them? After a chuckle .. I replied.. Son, I don't know, know him.. in fact I couldn't even tell you his name. All I know is he is a child of God.. weather he knows it or not.. and I want to greet him with the light of Jesus.. cause there may be a day, when I do actually speak to him.. and I want him to know and understand.. the Jesus in me. He was still puzzled and said , " Mom I just wanted to know how you got to the point of walking up to him and saying hi".( my lil impatient son) I told him, I haven't.. I don't need to. He simply waves back because its a "friendly gesture".. My purpose is to continue to shine the light for those who walk in the dark. I always want to put my Jesus foot first! He just smiled and nodded. I think he will mediate on this a little today. 

Matthew 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

I LOVE LOVE this verse... I always pray to have a heart that is inclined to follow Christ, even when it seems scary or an impossible mission, the reason.. is because the victory is already won! Amen!

Thank you for reading

May God Bless you on your journey and tug on your heart
 to be the light this world desperately needs. 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Transform Me

I had this dream... 

Like most my dreams there is color, and temperature and sound. 

In this dream I was flying out of my body.. 
I flew to Germany.. I flew to visit my ex-husbands family. 

During my flight I flew over a group of butterflies/ possibly moths that were marching back and forth on the sidewalk ( kind of like ants do back and forth to their colony). Theses butterflies had pieces of material attached to their wings... like an extension of their wings but the wing was material.. like fabrics.. all sorts of sheers and silks and soft flowy fabric. The fabric was floating straight up as the wings would.. I wondered how that was happening but didnt pay much mind, I did however ask" what are they doing" ( who did I ask? I dunno) But I got an answer.. not in a voice.. just in a knowledge.. that they were mating. I said to myself.. oh. and then proceeded to fly on. I flew into the house of my past marriage, it was modern day and time. As I sat and watched the current family there, (ex's new wife and small children) I noticed that My ex could see me. Although he was forbidden to acknowledge me. I asked out loud, "you can see me cant you?" and he nodded yes. The family continued to function regularly over the course of the meal.. Next came in my ex mother in law. She was accompanied by a friend who brought with her a dress.. a most beautiful dress.. it was made with this beautiful burgundy material that I actually own. I remember looking at it in the dream trying to figure out how it was made so I could recreate it. ( at this point I think I was realizing its a dream about a dress i need to make).  I had to leave cause morning was coming here back in Tx.. So I said good bye to my ex.. reminded him to smile, saying " God has made every day special, try to enjoy it.. smile a little more"... and I left. As I was coming back to my home.. I flew back over the area where the butterflies were.. only now there lay bundles of butterflies and fabric. I asked again " what happened, what are they doing'. The understanding came again not in a voice really just in a knowledge.. " They have died. This is the natural life span.. they emerge.. they fly around doing what they know, then they reproduce and die. They accomplish their purpose." ... I said.. " ok". Then the knowledge said " you may take the fabric now and use it " . So I did. I began to float back home....

When my daughter woke me ... " MOM!" .. I was startled cause I had slept past my wake up time. I asked her if it was time for the bus already.. and she told me no... then I said Im sorry for not waking up earlier.. Then I asked what is it that she wanted.. She said ...

"Mom there is a butterfly in our house!!"

Indeed there was a butterfly flying above my sewing area. 

Transformation..... God I pray your will be done, and you transform me to be less of me and more of you. Thank you for this dream.. thank you for this experience. I pray to learn more of what your plans are for me, and pray for the wisdom and patience to follow them. Amen. 

Thank you for sharing with me on my transformation.
 May God bless you and enlighten you daily on yours.


Thursday, April 5, 2012

do BE do BE do BE

A quick note about what it is to just BE... and not so much do! 

So like most of my blogs this one comes from an email conversation I had with a friend. Whats important here is the context of what was written. I often find that my knowledge and ability to put my faith and My Jesus into words comes when I am speaking to others about them. Below is excerpts from that email...

 God is good all the time... so just have faith and seek him with your whole heart.... then you will find him. Take 15 min out of your day every day to just sit in the silence and meditate on his love, on his majesty.. he is the creator of all things.. he is woven into all things.. if you take just 15 min sit in your car in the lot.. and close your eyes.. and just be in his presence... I guarantee things in your life will become more clear... and Gods plan for you and your family will start to reveal itself.. ...I challenge you to do this. :)

I tried the 15 minutes thing and it works, it was one of the things I learned in our bible group.  But there is one really important question he (God) doesn't seem to answer.  It is almost as if he is either letting me decide on my own or He is telling both options I have are just as good as it is bad... I don't know, I don't really get a real picture. So, as I am finshing this email, I am going to talk to my chaplin.  He and I started talking the other day and he said that perhaps I am not liking what God is telling me and I am refusing to hear it.  So I am going down in the next few minutes to see if he if there is anything I can do to hear what I may not want to.  Funny hu?

Well.. this is what I've learned about "Gods answers"... sometimes we aren't really listening to them, because we just want it broken down to plain YES or NO.  
Sometimes.. its more complicated then that.. 

God answers always this is the truth..... just not in the way we want.. remember HIS ways are not our ways.. but they are always the BEST ways. Amen!

In order to hear God, you have to be in his presence... its like being in another level of consciousness. Then we must stand on his promises to us.. in order to do this... you have to know what they are. When we live in his word.. his promises.... can now take shape and manifest in our hearts and minds.. allowing us to experience that special relationship with GOD. Where in that relationship He does speak very bluntly and obvious to us.
It takes time.. and it takes ... being still and knowing he is God. 

In life I am know I am often too focused on the doing doing doing of life.. doing the right thing for my business, doing this to help that, doing it all so it is done.. doing doing... We need to take time to just BE.. be in this state of mind where we are connecting to everything and everything is connecting to us.. then we realize that , that is a connection with God. Its just BEing still and knowing he is there.. then like that our eternal being is awaken and it then can guide our primal being. Its really amazing! Yet so hard to find the time to do.. er be.. :)

Lastly ... sometimes I have to remind myself that there are going to be times when His answer is just flat out NO.  And I know when he is saying no.. because nothing will fall into place when i take steps in that direction of which he is saying NO to. In my stubbornness I say.. "God hasn't answered me yet, so I'm going forward" .. then nothing works out right.. and I realize ok.. ok.. Im turnin round. The moment I do that.. all things start to fall into a better place then before.
I know when I am on Gods path for me, because of two things..
1: Great blessings  and 2: Great trials.  It sounds nuts.. but its totally true. 

Finally... realize.. that if you keep your eyes, mind and heart focused on having a relationship with him.. this means; putting him before your needs,desires, and other  family members.... he will bless you with an answer and then some! Then all those other things.. family, money, desires.. etc. will fall into place and be better then you ever thought it could be. 
God is a master in making a way where there seems to be no way. 
We just have to learn to reprogram our way of thinking... and be a little patient. 

Try to just BE.... and leave the "Doing" to Him.
 This is called FAITH. 

Thank you for sharing in my journey. May God always bless you along yours. 

PS: Great documentary I saw on Quantum Physics. Seems like science is getting in line with what has always been. Great things happening here... its all about reprogramming. Take time to watch it.. very interesting indisputable stuff here! I call it GOD.. I call it Jesus! Eventually science will proclaim the same in a more pronounced way... yep.. it'll catch on. 

click ---> Quantum Activist