Monday, October 24, 2011

Speak No Evil... Hear No Gospel.


SPEAK NO EVIL!.... Hear No Gospel! 

So, this is going to be a less "thought out" blog, and more of an emotional blog. Which, is the best way to write!! 
So, for the past few days I have been struggling with many things. Mostly with myself and my patience! You could say my cup spilleth over till nothing but drops of it was left. This was not pleasing to me, to say the least! I was feeling ill spiritually. I was able to say the words but lost communication with the feelings. I knew the way, walked the path.. but the feeling.. the Holy Spirit! was faint in me. Why?? I didnt know! I still dont know why... but I tried to find out. I tried to read more of the words of God. I watched more TBN.. hoping that a pastor would jump up and say "slap yo self and proclaim you have the spirit" .. but nada. On Sunday, I went to church and prayed for my family, prayed for patience.. and prayed that God would return the Spirit to me, ( I have to add that the Sunday before last, I went to church and felt so overwhelmed with the Holy Spirit I felt the language of tongues) Now here I was this Sunday.. wondering where it went.. I didnt find it at church this past service.

I dove into my bible. The book of Revelations, from three different books! ( all the same but explained in simpler and simpler terms) Perhaps I thought I would feel the Spirit if I scared myself! lol. Nope.

Meanwhile, the spiritual warfare was full on in my home. My son was once again giving into his temptations and hitting his sister, he tore a very personal book of hers and it made us all sad. He was so sad about what he did he became angry about it. His anger continues to fixate itself on me. Then my daughter confesses to me that she had been hiding the fact that she had 8! folder marks given to her over the past few weeks. She had folder marks in the past... but maybe one or two through the year, NOT 8 in two weeks.I was completely shocked (she's the good kid). Then the struggles I have with my husband, seemed to still be stuck in limbo. He is still trying to take it all in, and understand my "new" faith! One minute he's on board then the next minute entertained and then the next in disbelief. Its been a struggle to say the least. 

Externally I have put on the Armor of God everyday .. I have proclaimed my faith, and rebuked the devil. YET.. internally I have been saying, Hurry up... and .. why haven't they understood yet!?! I have wept for my family who has yet to see as I see, and feel as I feel... er felt. Cause little by little (I realize now, that I was more focused on "helping" aka "making" them see.. than listening, hearing and glorifying God for myself) . I was not listening as I should, not feeling as I once was. I was sad. 

Sunday! Pastor Mathew, gave a message straight to me! Straight to me no lie!! lol.  Telling me to stop fighting a battle that is already won!! God will not return void on his promise! And I may be just exhausting myself cause he has already answered my pray and granted that of which I ask... and yet I keep getting up every morning and fighting and pushing and thrusting... and nothing seems right. Why?
Cause Gods ways are not my ways. He will answer prayers but in the way He knows they need to be answered.
 Isaiah 55:9 For [as] the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

This morning... I was at an all time low. I felt the spirit gone from me, I didnt know why...and felt more confused than ever. So I prayed! I proclaimed! I marched throughout my home reading the proclamations of protection and servant-hood.I sang and I rejoiced! Then after a short period of internet surfing,  I spoke to my husband about an idea I had. I could sense the disapproval or uneasiness as we talked, I asked that we talk calmly he agreed. Then,  at the first sign of disagreement, I retaliated! I raged! I cursed! I spat! I screamed so loud .. I lost my voice! I felt an anger in me that hadn't been there in a very long time. And then........ I felt nothing. I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I was shaking, I became nauseous, I was sad.. and I felt alone and lost. Now what? I asked in my head repeatedly.... NOW WHAT?! ... Now... what... The first thought in my head.. SILENCE!

Just Silence.. no real instructions.. (which is hard cause us Americans need a real map these days! ) Just the thought.. Silence. So, I put out my cigarette and walked back in and proclaimed in a calm manner, to my husband;

I am sorry. I cursed  you and I spoke to you with anger. I was wrong. I allowed anger enter my heart and the wicked one has rejoiced. I didn't humble myself to you and for the glory of God, and I have made a mistake. Please forgive me. Then I asked God to forgive me. Then I forgave myself. Next, I proclaimed that I was going to humble my tongue by taking a "vow" or commitment to silence.  I said I wouldn't talk until GOD gave me the words to say. That was that. I really didnt know what else to do. I didnt want to use words of hurt, and I was all prayed out it seemed! Of course my husband rejected and argued and then pleaded that I give up that idea.Still I stood firm. I felt it needed to be done. I didn't want to lose patience with my children or my husband. I didnt want to demand that the Lord give ME anything. I was so stressed and desperate for my family to LOVE God like I do, to create a relationship with him as I have, to understand that their salvation has been given to them if they just find their way to the cross. Not for my benefit but for theirs! All really heartfelt things with only their love and life in mind. But I had forgotten,
His ways are NOT my ways.

My husband left the house and took the girls with him, he was confused and had no answers since I refused to speak. I wrote to him that I loved him and it was because I love that I felt compelled to do this, he left trying to understand... (this is where it gets interesting) I was still upset... not angry but tense. I was still confused, but sticking to NOT speaking. At this same exact time!.. 3 people who are my friends and family in Christ contacted me. Three women all 3 at the same time! (For different reasons of course.. but not really! God sent them to reach out to me at the exact time, I needed them to) I didnt answer their calls, I did instead text that I couldn't speak currently. One of these was my aunt. I briefly explained to her that I was "vowing" to keep silent! Cause I had cursed with my mouth another child of God, and I felt that I could not Praise God with the same mouth!?! I told her that I needed to tame my tongue and humble myself. She instructed that it wasnt necessary, that God already forgave me.. repent and forgive she says. I told her I did and I was at peace with it. That I gladly give up my tongue for Him. And I did, and I was at peace with this choice at this moment. She understood that it was something I needed to do, and respected my choice. ( After all we all have our own very special relationship with God, that is different from anyone else's) I was happy in my choice, and said to her.. " I am glad, and I will wait for the Lord to direct me". I was in silence waiting for an answer, but didnt even know at the time that the bible says...

Rest in Yahweh, and wait patiently for him
PSALM 37:7
Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
PSALM 62:5
Sitting up in my loft... I thought I should pray.. then I thought, How? I don't have the words right now to pray. Often when I dont have the words, I sing. So I turned on my favorite station.. K-LOVE then turned on my sewing machine. As i began to sew.. the song I posted above, is what started to play. Slowly.. slowly.. the tears came.. then I wept .. not just on the outside.. but on the inside.. I cried like a child who had lost their parent. Alone... lost... sad.. scared.. ... I cried..
"God.. where are you?" .. "where did you go?"... "Father why cant I feel you?"... "Dont ..". ....

A few seconds later... I felt weight lifted off my shoulders, I felt clear.. .. I cried louder and louder, but it turned into tears of joy and smiles.. I felt like a bunch of water sacks had been lifted off of me.. I felt free, and happy and like a child who gets excited for that parent that just walked thru the door. I am not kidding you! I am tearing as I am typing cause this is just so special!!! wow!! 

And just like that!!!! I can see clear again... I can feel it again.. the Holy Spirit!! I was blocking it! I was the one taking walking on a path without God.. not on purpose.. but by not allowing him to lead.. but me taking the wheel and "trying" to guide my family to Him. Its so clear now.. and I just cant be grateful enough. Thank you Jesus!! You are the Truth the Way and the LIFE! Forever and Ever Amen!
I was trying to figure out the right things to say, the right prayers to pray. I was trying all too logically to "help" my family come to accept Jesus.. that I became my own problem. I am not responsible directly for their salvation. They are! I need to be a servant to the Lord and my family and through Christ Jesus, His power will shine and help them. Not me, not in My way or My idea of "time frame".

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5

So yes, I made a mistake.. I took up anger and frustration when I should have been humble. I prayed so strongly so I could show my family how it is to be in a relationship with the Father ( I should have been praying just to glorify the Lord and give thanks). I tried to do it myself.. I tried to take on the battle and anticipate, arrogantly, the outcome of the battle. I did humble myself.. for Him yes.. but more so to Show my family how it can be. It should have been solely for Him. I needed to stop being me and let Christ work through me. I chose to be in SILENCE, cause I couldn't find the words to say anymore, even in prayer!! Then in a SONG.. the words were there. I owe him my life and I will continue to grow to his glory. Amen! 

Oh by the way... the next song....after that

* RISE *

YEP Feeling pretty GREAT! Right bout now!! Praise da Lord!

Thank you for reading

May God Bless You!

Saturday, October 22, 2011


My Ezekiel Has No Faith

A scene from my living room this evening!
 (As I descended from my 2hour long bath where I prayed and studied the words of GOD).

My daughter, laying on the floor playing World of War craft on the laptop ( after already having known she was grounded from all gaming, and fully aware that I no longer agree of these games). My son hovering above her, on the adjacent sofa. He asks her a question of the game, she mummers something displeasing to him,…. he replies with an insult… she retaliates with an insult… My son chooses to hit her on the back. The sound of the whacking I can clearly hear from the 10th step. She cries, a probable over exaggerated cry… but nonetheless.. she cries.
Now imagine after a 2 hr long hot bath and silence… this is the last thing you want to first see when you come out of your “quite time”. Now imagine, being a person of faith... having had a 2hr session communicating with God alongside that “quiet time” …(which always leaves a feeling of completeness, love and humbleness)… and now I am coming upon these going on’s. (Lord help me! :P )
So I, of course, do my motherly duty. I separate the two and sit humbly near my son, as my daughter weeps on off to the side. (She is ok, of course I checked). Humbly I ask him why he touched her? His reply “ I didn’t even hit her hard”… again I ask “ why did you feel you needed to touch her?”… “ oh come on Mom! She is just over reacting.. I barely touched her” … “Demian.. that’s not what I asked you.. why did you feel you needed to touch her?”….. “ I dunno”.
I explain to him that I was going to share something with him that might help him understand. 
Here is what I shared:

Emails from a few of My Sons teachers…
“Oh my goodness, your son Demain is sooooo talented and loved by all the kids.  I wish all students would be as well behaved as Demain.  I'd like to clone him!
We could listen to him tell his stories and play his guitar forever”.
“Thank YOU!! I think you said exactly what I was thinking, but sometimes it is hard for the teacher to say it not knowing if the parent is ready to hear it. We are on the same track! I think working together, he is more than CAPABLE of bringing up the grade… and if I see MAJOR improvements, “
“First of all I LOVE your son!! He’s a very bright boy”
Email and immediate technology is wonderful!
We will get him there…

I shared with him all the recent above positive comments made about him. He looked at me and asked (as some now may be saying) “What does that have to do with why I hit my sister?”. One of the biggest reasons why he chose to hit her is because of his lack of .....

See, I showed him how; not only I, but many of his teachers have faith in him. Even as he continues to struggle in his studies… we continue to believe in him, and have faith for him. This is immediately apparent by the above text. The second area in which Faith comes to play in his life is …. His lack of!
 I asked him about his theater class (of which teacher the first comments was written by)… I said to him, you probably feel the “best” in this class don’t you? (He didn’t dispute it). And you probably feel more “like yourself” in this class than any other time in your day, don’t you? (Agreed). Well it shows, I said. The point… when he is truest to himself and behaves in the manner of that in which represents his inner most being .. he is praised the highest, and feels at his most brilliant! This is Demian in his truest and most victorious state, where he IS the young man he desires to be, and is pleasing to his peers, himself, and God!
 So why not stay in that moment in all aspects of his day? … Because the negativity (aka evil) that constantly surrounds doesn’t want that to happen!
See I know that when I am reading these words of praise to my son, he is having an internal battle. With his head hung and his eyes small.. he is finding it hard to believe in himself. Its almost as if I can hear his comments.. “ Demian You are a great person” .. his thoughts.. “yeh right”. So why does he reject these praises? Because the wicked one (aka negativity) is putting these thoughts into his head, evil are saying to him … “you’re not worthy”.. “You always mess up” … “you aren’t good enough”. ALL untrue of course! My sons eyes light up when he achieves even in the smallest of areas.  At that moment he is proud.. he is full.. he is alive and he believes! This is pleasing to God.
Its during moments of trial the devil sees my sons weakness and attacks his thoughts… with this idea that  “he isn’t worthy”.  Which in turn makes him start to think of himself as the “bad guy” and then we see the “if that’s who I am then it is what it is” behavior follow that suggestion.(this is where the hitting comes in to play)  Again… it’s obvious to others around him to see who MY EZEKIEL really is, and he lives in his true sense from time to time… but due to his lack of faith, and moments of weakness…. He is under constant attack of slander and insult and self rejection. (This hurts my heart).
SO I remind him again that with FAITH.. all things are possible… but without it.. nothing is. Faith in himself, and of course Faith in The Father. It’s only through our faith in God that all things will be possible.

 He replied in an exhausted exhale,
“but I just don’t have faith.. or know how to get it”mumble mumble.. “I just don’t”. 
(Now normally the old me would have broke down into tears and prolly smokes a pack of menthols and a few glasses of I mourned over this thought. I didn't of course. )

 Indeed, I replied to him… “Yes, I know you struggle with faith my son. And yes I know you don’t have it, yet. Let me explain to you in an easy way how you can reach this faith I am speaking of”. 
(Remember… I am talking to a 13yr

Faith is like a driver’s license. Do you own a license? No. Do you know how to drive? No. Do you have a car? No. But do you want all of the above? YES!
So imagine FAITH.. is like having a license! At first, a DL is a desire. When you’re ready, you decide to work towards getting one. This is like wanting to have FAITH… you start by wanting to, and then you make a decision to commit your life to getting it (faith+ surrender). In the act of obtaining a DL you would buy a book that teaches you the do’s and don’ts, rules and areas of caution..etc. The bible teaches you this of faith as well. The next step in getting a DL is practice with someone who knows how to drive, someone who is experienced in all aspects of driving. In Faith.. this someone is the church and the practice is prayer! After you have a clear understanding of your DL book, have consulted with an experienced driver and have practiced and tested true, you receive your little itty bitty DL to shove in your wallet never to show anyone your picture again! LOL... BUT now you have the tools, knowledge and experience to transport yourself to wherever your life may take you. California, North Dakota, Alabama, New York, Texas!.. etc. Guess what, Faith takes you places too!! And what does Jesus say about faith…?
Matthew 17:20
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "
Faith is what I live on I explained to him… and it’s only the size of a mustard seed!! And doesn’t have a hideous double chin photo of me on it!! Faith has taken me places that no car can reach, and it can be the same for you.!!All you have to do is follow the steps! And remember with Him, nothing is impossible. So Pray.. pray to give your life to God and have FAITH that he will receive you and you will be blessed abundantly, and all your fears, doubt and worry will flee you! And it shall be done!

James 4:7  Be subject therefore to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.
I always end with an “I love you”. Even if he doesn’t say it back. I have faith he is hearing all the words I am speaking, and feeling all the ones I am not.
Even though it may seem a silly analogy faith is kinda like getting a DL. You may not have it at first, but the desire is there. The steps: We go to church… not only to promote our church and confess our sins, but to learn the words of the bible through people who have been knowledgeable of the word for some time. We practice prayer and the act of believing so as we may perfect it, and know how to “drive” or endure through whichever conditions lay in our path. The end result, a mustard seed with your face on it you keep in your wallet in case you need to move a mountain! TRUTH! J

Thank you for reading!
May God Bless YOU!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Halloween... count it all as loss!

Why do Christians see it wrong to celebrate Halloween??

So I know this is a big one for many. In fact this is a big one for my household currently. If you know me,… You can attest to having witnessed my enthusiasm for this “fun filled day”.  For those of you who do not know me, let’s just say it would not have been unusual to have found me wearing at least 3 different costumes on Halloween! I also have never missed “celebrating” one of these days in all my life. So naturally when I threw out all boxes full of Halloween d├ęcor and costumes, my family was a bit shocked. Not shocked at my Christian opinion on Halloween, but more shocked as to how quickly I was able to dispose of year’s worth of collection.

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ. ~Philippians 3:8

I was eating out of the oppositions palm…

I could tell you which year I wore what and which contest I won with which costume.  My collection of skulls and jack-o-lanterns had been built up from the very first Halloween with My son till now. Every Halloween I threw a big kids party that parents always snuck a peak  “what stage did she set this year”, always aimed to please. Ghost! Goblins! Witches! Skeletons! Black Cats! Spiders! There was no limit! 13 years filled with purchasing an admission to a place I know without a doubt exists and without a doubt I do not want to spend eternity in. The place… Hell. (Yes I did say Hell)

So what’s the big deal?? I mean it seems innocent enough, dressing up like fairies can’t really be that damaging can it?? I mean it’s just pretend.. It’s just fun right. Surely a SpongeBob costume, or firefighter costume isn’t gonna send anyone to hell right … right? Well, I thought this same way for many years. Today is the day, I am fully awake.( Praise be to God!) Lets just look at a few facts first.. then Ill let you in on how I currently feel about this whole Halloween gig…
This link is from the very first GOOGLE search. (doesn’t take long to find the facts)

“This is an evil night when spirits roamed the streets and villages. Lord Samhain, the lord of Darkness, would arrive in search of the spirits to take them to the underworld.”

Oook…. So lets take a closer look… The Word Samhain? What does it mean or stand for?

Now if you clicked the link above.. you will get a whole page full of stuff that just seems to repeat itself. The Wikipedia, great source of knowledge.. not so great for keeping its reader entertained. The one thing I was able to notice as I read through this never ending explanation… was that NO WHERE did it mention God. Sure there was the giving thanks to “saints” and the dead relatives and such. .. but where was the mention of celebrating God and Jesus? In my opinion, Jesus death on the cross is the only one that matters to me. Through His blood and His alone I am saved.  So yes pray for saints past honor them for sure...but I say honor family NOW and not when they are dead! Show them your love and Gods mercy NOW, not later when you have to put on a costume to let them know your thinkin of them! Lol. Yeah, I bet that didn’t make much sense. The point here is that I don’t see where God fits into Halloween!
AND.. If he aint in it .. I aint with it! 

The good ole silly JACK O LANTERN!!!

So, you mean the cute little face I carved out in that pumpkin represents a spirit that is cursed to roam the earth forever. Not to heaven, not to hell.. Miserable soul .. Alone and drunk! Some think that the pumpkin/turnip carved and placed at your door step is based on tradition of warding off this lost soul..Oh, so the light that was given from the burning pits of HELL will help me?! Thanks Devil! BUT I think I’ll light my porch another way!! 

Then spoke Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that follows me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life ~ John 8:12

I listed a few pages and a few facts. There are literally hundreds you can look up…. But really, its not rocket science. If you believe there is a GOD.. then you must believe there is a DEVIL!  And if there are these two.. Then there is a HEAVEN and a HELL.. and we are responsible for leading ourselves and our children to the door steps of one or the other. It’s that simple.  There are no secrets in the Bible! All you want to know of this day or any other is written for you, unlike the devil, God doesn’t hide his message in a pumpkin filled with candy!
So what does the Bible say about Halloween?
Ephesians 5:7-12
King James Version (KJV)
7Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
8For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
9(For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
10Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.
11And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
12For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.


Deuteronomy 18:10-12

21st Century King James Version (KJ21)

 10There shall not be found among you any one who maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or who useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch,
 11or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.
 12For all who do these things are an abomination unto the LORD, and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.
"And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people. Therefore Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the LORD Almighty." 2 Corinthians 6:16-18
"Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God." 2 Corinthians 7:1
"Learn not the way of the heathen" Jeremiah 10:2
"Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions," Galatians 5:19-20
"No, but I say that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to demons, and not to God; and I do not want you to become sharers in demons. You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons; you cannot partake of the table of the Lord and the table of demons." 1 Cor. 10:20, 21
"and do not give the devil an opportunity." Ephes. 4:27

So today I celebrate in the Glory of God! I will not allow the devil an opportunity to even for one moment think that I honor him! Furthermore I don’t see the point in taking my little ones around the neighborhood dressed up like some sponge or superhero to ask strangers for candy!! Meanwhile, Im trying to shield them from the scary teen that is dressed up like Freddy or Jason complete with dripping blood and Machete! And the devil, just sits and laughs and rejoices in his accomplishment, which seems like “no big deal” to many. We are children of God!… of whom through Jesus, the promise of everlasting life in the kingdom of heaven is given!! Heaven folks!! Yet plenty of us find it hard to go off what the bible says and what God expects of us. Its easier to just put on a princess kitty ballerina surfer engine turtle jersey shore costume during Halloween and call it cute!! While God weeps for us. Well I tell you there is one last outfit I want to be wearing and that is the crown that I am promised in heaven because this day the Devil has not won,

 I am not saying that dressing up isn’t fun! Sure it is! I dress up with my girls all the time. We just do it in celebration of our love and family and God. No longer will we be dressing up and join in on the celebration of the adversary. I will not allow him to win even the slights victory over my family. In my home they have accepted this.. its been a little tough for those who are not saved yet, but the understanding, love and respect is there .. for me and for Our Lord!
I write these things because they are true. I write these things, because my heart guides me. My heart is guided by the Holy Spirit, which is God. I don’t expect you to understand as I do, but I do HOPE that you will take a second look at this “Halloween”. Ask yourself if this is something you want to raise your child believing. Cause let me tell you something, the older they get the more intrigued they will be about wearing the scary bloody costumes. The pumpkin patch and scarecrow get up will only suffice their curiosity for so long, then it’s out with the tractor train rides and off to the haunted houses where the devil rejoices to see their fear as they scream from the bloody corpse that just came to life complete with falling intestines.

Wow… I just grossed myself out! No thank you!




Not so funny if you really think about the implications and the mockery.
No bueno! 

I am not sorry for what I write... Nor am I denying that I had once sat there like many so unaware of what I was partaking in, in the name of "fun". I am just being pure and honest with the readers as I go through this every growing change in me. I want to document it all in its truest form. I want to confess without fear what I am feeling and experiencing. In times of doubt and in times of faith! I pray there are more times of faith than doubt. (It was in complete faith when I threw out all of those “Halloween” decorations. I didn’t flinch or second guess). Something that I held so dear to me… I count it all as loss! Cause it’s only in JESUS CHRIST that I am found and renewed! Those things of the past, that I now know are displeasing to God.. I can toss out with the trash and not mourn their loss. God has taken that desire from me, and I praise Him for doing so.
Lastly, I do want to say there are plenty of alternative ways to help your children transition through this confusing holiday if you so wish. Here are a few ideas…
Family night to include games and movies
Junk food night
Taking a drive
Spending time with your kids playing anything really
Book night
Candy/scavenger hunt in the house Etc.
Finally.. if you are interested going to church .. there are many many churches that participate in “alternative” activities. Cornerstone, takes a whole different path.. and it celebrates the Feast of Tabernacles! Here is the link to find out more!! Its free, fun, safe.. and most importantly sending a message to God that he is worthy of your praise.. and to the Devil!, he can no longer temp you and your children through candy!

Thank you for reading.

May God Bless you.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Why Haters Hate!

Wanted to share this great sermon I watched last night! I really enjoy Creflo Dollar and the humbleness about him. God has many people that He works through, this happens to be one of them. 

Often more times than not, the enemy tries to persuade the nonbeliever into believing that passing judgment upon a person who is a speaker of God (meaning a chosen person to spread the Gospel) is acceptable. The enemy feeds us ideas like " well lets check his/her credibility" or " Lets question their motives, money.. fame?". The truth is... 

And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
MATTHEW 28: 18-20

It makes me so sad to see how people are soo quick to judge and talk about those who are walking in faith. Like Jesus said, Those of you without sin may cast the first stone. I'm just happy that there are people in our time that are not afraid to stand for the Word. Even in Jesus times people were beheaded for being Christian.. really?!! I mean what is so damaging in today's society that the bible brings? I can see back when, why they felt so threatened... that was a generational time of great belief and study of "religion" people were so strong in their beliefs that it was hard to truly believe! lol. if that makes sense... Today, its as if our generation has trouble accepting any ideas that hold us accountable.. which leads to a desire to disclaim or disprove and denounce. No bueno! 
Makes me so sad for those who don't see.. who don't know. 

Going in a different direction here... I feel I want to explain something about myself.. and why I am so high strung on this Blog I suppose.... Many who have known me, might agree that I am a woman who does NOTHING half way. My motto has always been " in the top three" ! lol. In work, in play, in raising my children, in my projects or talents.. I have always aimed high. So that is one thing you need to know about me... The other is.. for as long as I can remember.. I have had a great passion for helping others. I dont know why.. maybe it was Gods divine plan?.. I dunno... but I have always been compelled to help! As a young child I remember counseling my cousins when we were at odds with one another. In school I desired to be a peer counselor and not just because that class was an easy A! lol. My first post high school study was nursing. I acquired my Certification in nursing and worked as a CNA in an old folks home. When I went to college (finally..) I studied Psychology and made nothing less than an A! lol. Finally once my children were off in school I found myself in a career working in social services with special needs and handicapped citizens. I even started my own women's group, which still runs today. The point? Without sounding like I'm tooting my horn.. I have had a long embedded desire to help others and to be really good at it; not for my benefit but for theirs. I have a passion to spread the word of God! Problem is... I am still learning it! lol. Still, I have no doubt that this was all a part of his plan.. and that I am not just a body without a soul existing in this world by mistake or chance. 

Currently reading a short book that has left a prevailing feeling of joy each time I read the proclamations. 
Picked it up at my church for two reasons, cause Diana Hagee wrote it, and cause it was purple! lol. Little did I know how deep it would reach me. Here is a passage from that very book...

God send favor and blessing to me, providing all that I need to finish every good work in abundance. I cling to God, conforming wholly to his example, as I serve others in his name. When I am tired and tempted to lose heart, I will come close to You , Lord Jesus, and you will renew my strength. You enable me to run without growing weary and walk without becoming faint. 

I dont know what Gods plan is for me, heck I am not even a very good writer. I have had no vision of what God wants from me... I simply wake up every day and live off faith. I feel the Holy spirit every time I read his words. This is why I share it, cause its too special not to!
Like I said, I do not yet know what His plan is for me, but I do feel I am on the right path! 

Thank you for reading! 
May God Bless You! 

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

God Blessed The Broken Road....

Yesterday as I was on a phone conversation with my aunt, I again was able to catch a glimps of Gods glory, patience, and LOVE for me. I feel so much love from a power, a King.. that I have never even met! And yet its so fulfilling more than anything I have ever encountered in my life.
Jesus said to him, Thomas, "because you have seen me you believe; Blessed are those who believe and have not seen."
JOHN 20:29 

During that phone conversation I was reflecting back as I was discussing about the feelings and thoughts we often have when we are not in a relationship with our Creator. When we are not walking, life seems to appear random, or through our self-righteousness,.. controlled. When things seems to be going our way we might find ourselves saying, Yes! I did that.... I deserve all this.. Its because of my intelligence or my righteousness that my life is going so well,... I was smart in all choices I made and therfore life is good! Then on the contrary when life is going other than good we start to question (rather than take accountability) why are things going so wrong? I dont deserve this! Life isnt fare! Why me? We blame other people, or things for making our life not so "good" at that moment. In otherwords, when life is going great! We are quick to take credit and when life isnt going "our way" we are quick to blame or shout injustice. No bueno!
But He gives us a greater grace. Therefore it says "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble"
James 4:6 

I started to reflecting on the past 6 months and was able to see the hand of God in everything. From the moment that my children returned to me in Feb. ( I have to also mention this was a choice that we allowed my son to make, and he chose to return to me only with a fraction of decisiveness. A hair pinch more and he would have chose to stay with his father)  I had planned to enroll my son in another districts school, this would make things easier for us since he could ride a bus near by. Well it turned out when going to that other school to enroll him I just had that "mothers intuition", and I didn't go forward with enrolling him there.( The school is not in a good area). Instead we were able to get him into a closer school a "better" school, I did have to drive him every morning but I was willing to make that adjustment for him. (Turns out that the school was not "better" and the morning commute would tire me to the point of frustration over the sacrifice I made each morning. I also must mention had he gone to the other school he would have been in the company of many children of which he had previously went to school with, thus giving him a sense of comfort.) When he enrolled in this  "better school" he is now going to , he knew no one really. He still doesn't have a clique to hang with. So the point is .. he felt out of place. What does that have to do with Gods plan.. well.. it made my son focus more on his social life. Every day his focus was solely on his image and the friends he was trying to make, his attire, his personality , etc. Which in turn left minimal focus on his GPA. So low grades means angry mom, which leads to groundation.... which leads to rebellious son who does not respect chores or any other form of responsibility/conformity in the home. Rebellious child makes mom look for help .... and we now are here .. At church, born again.. ready to follow Christ! (AMEN?) Still more, At the same time this is going on... My husband deploys! by choice. ( because of debt we made this choice.. we came into debt because of the new arrivals of the twins.. which if you know me, you know the story of their miracle. Those who don't know....I will post their story in a later blog) So my husband deploys... shortly after, I hire a nanny for help. It takes me a month and half to find one. The first nanny fails and I have to let her go. It's shortly after I find a decent nanny and feel a bit of relief. She is with us one and half month and then at the end of April she quits without notice (she took a better job offer). As mentioned in my previous blog at that point I became frantic and worried and doubtful (all works of the devil by the way) on how I am going to survive the Summer with all 4 kids (13yr old son, 10yr old daughter, and toddler TWINS) only one ME. I need to mention that I have no family here in TX. My husbands family, who is here, is mostly tied up with other responsibilities and direction (they have helped from time to time when available and I am thankful). So I am basically alone for the chunk of it. So in just a short period of time everything starts to domino in a direction that at the time, looks like endless frustration and exhaustion. I kept my self-righteous head held high and tried to focus on getting through each day one at a time. At this time I started to keep myself busy and seek peace of mind at the gym. Now if your following the story here.. lol... at the gym just 30ish days after I started seeking my peace of mind there, I meet Valerie Wilson! Also lets remember my Aunt is praying for me to find help in some way so that I could keep my sanity and sound less hopeless when we talked next. 
OK all that summed up.... (patient with me
Twins (miracle to be posted at later date)
Return of Children
Last minute school change
School hardship/bad grades
discipline and frustration
Alone no family
Nanny splits
Raising 4 kids on own
gym for relief
meet Valerie at gym
Aunt praying
Referral to cornerstone church
attendance at church with the hope of relief and direction for kids
Free VBS and affordable Camp to help keep kiddos busy 
All of this is happening almost simultaneously! Or in short days from one another!

ALL boils down to this....
HIS plan for ME! 

Me?! The one he never stopped loving. Me... the one who needed nothing cause "she could do it all on her own". Me... who walked away from him, even though he promised to reserve a better place for me, promised to never abandoned me and to always love me and forgive me and accept me for who I am.. and yet I walked away from his open arms.... I cry every time when I think about this time line ... so many times it could have gone one way or the other... but it didn't. My path was tattered, it was frustrating, it was tiresome, it was confusing and at times felt hopeless and random... it was broken! Still....
GOD was blessing the broken road, that He knew would lead me back to Him. 

I'll end with my favorite part from that song..

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true....

Thank you for sharing in my journey! 
God Bless You!