Friday, March 30, 2012
21Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Many trials in her life have left her scared with strife
Many hurts and many pains has left her with very little in gains
Because of unwise choices, deceitful delight,
many tears fell silently... painfully... in the night
And in time both hearts died, first her's.... then mine
But God is good all the time!
Now a relationship once convinced of the darkness
has sparked and rekindled its sweetness!
A child who once cried out in affliction
Now see's the woman and not the addiction!
A woman who once walked in the night
Now sweetly sings in the light...
That women, My Mother...
Sent me a Birthday card Today!!
Todays Blog I dedicate to my Mother who is the chosen parent of my life. God is good all the time, and He knew me then as he knows me now... He knew who I needed in my life and he placed them there. Praise God.
My Mother, wasn't always there for me in the traditional sense.... but that's ok. She showed me the things in life I needed to know and see in order to get me to be me.(if that makes sense) God always held me, even when I was not seeking him. For a long time I had pain and anger for choices my parents made, I was sad and often felt alone. I was able to pull myself through those times and realize that I didnt have to hold on to that pain... I didnt have to hold on to the darkness. I learned to forgive. I forgave my parents for their life choices and more than that I have been able to show empathy for both. I know God see's their pain, and I know he is with them as he has always been with me. I forgave my Mother many years ago, but it has only been recently in the past year.. with Gods mercy and grace.. that she and I have been able to really share words of love. I love her today more than yesterday.. and I am working on a relationship with her. To God be the glory.
In the bible it says to forgive 490 times.. what Jesus is saying is .. there is no limit to how much we should forgive. When we forgive... we really do it for us. We are not saying (by forgiving) that what a person has done or done to you was/is right or ok. .. we are simply saying " I dont have to allow it to hurt me".
When we chose to withhold forgiveness from one another, we not only are saying I want to hold this person in a perpetual state of guilt and shame... but also that we want to prolong our own suffering. We are making the choice to victimize ourselves. By holding onto the grudge of pain we are encasing it and essentially a part of us prisoner. To forgive is to release the pain, the suffering, the ugliness.. and suffer never more from it.
when we forgive others we free ourselves from all the suffering... all the pain.. all the anger.. alll the bitterness and resentment, its those very things that keep us from enjoying the blessings of peace we have before us today. Forgiveness is for us.
I think about how God forgives.. and how my sins have been forgiven... I think about how I have made mistakes with my children, and thought... I hope they forgive me.
Love lives in forgiveness.
My relationship and love with my mother lives in our forgiveness... and today for the FIRST time in many of my adult years... she sent me a birthday card! This is a big deal, and really special. It filled my heart with joy and my eyes with tears. I'm so thankful and so grateful to know forgiveness and now her Love.
Forgiving shouldn't be associated with "bowing out" , rather it should be correlated with being of strength and of love.
Thank you so much for sharing my journey.
May God bless you
I watched a great great film on the power of forgiveness. Lots of great messages here and even scientific proof that anger and not forgiving can harm us internally. I found the film on netflix, but its also for 3bucks rental on youtube. check it out.. and walk away feeling ready to forgive it all.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Greater things are yet to come... Greater things are yet to be done, in this city..
Wow! I am so happy to know that Our God is such a great God, and that He is with me always. So last update I told you that I was going to give some "God stories". I will have you know.. many many take place in my life every day.. most on what some would say "small scale" but to me anytime God is blessing me and my day, it isnt a small thing.
Today I am gonna share with you two stories.. that kind of have to do with one another.
First as I mentioned a few blogs back, that God has really be aiding me in this sewing venture. About a lil over two weeks ago I kicked off the start of Roo's Fashions. Which is my new clothing and accessories line. In just that short of time, God has really been making stuff open up and form. This would include upgrading my knowledge on the "art of sewing". (remember I am a self taught seamstress aka sew person lol) When I sit down to sew, I always am listening to worship music.. and I really get into singing to God. I know he hears me and sings back, cause some songs I don't even realize I am crying while singing. lol. With my singing I also pray while sewing. This reminds me of what Paul the Apostle wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18...
"16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus "
In my heart and throughout the day and on my tongue I am in worship or praise or prayer of some kind almost always. Sewing is no exception. I pray over every project I begin, and pray for my work to be parallel to Gods will, and that whomever purchases the item, would be touch and inspired to know God. He has guided me and given me great ideas for dresses that I would not have even thought I could do. Lately my dress designs have come to me in dreams, or images that I get in the midst of my sleep. I believe these images are given to me by God. His way of helping me and holding me and telling me I am capable of more. Why I say that is because the dress designs He shows me are usually way beyond "my" sewing knowledge. lol. Still, When I sit down in faith, the dress seems to manifest on its own really. When things get too tough or confusing... I always speak God provision Philippians 4:13.....
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,
And I do, because He does.
Now my next story.. This one is FUN!
This morning like almost every morning... I woke up with a song in my heart. The song is by Blue Tree song: God of this City. Great song! So I was driving back from taking my son to school..( which just a side note: was a pleasant ride, in mornings this is rare. Everyone woke up in a great mood, even the twins! My son was ready on time and very humble. Trinity woke up late but was able to calmly get ready in enough time and she even wore here girlie shoes, which is a bid deal! LOL ) So this song comes on the radio, and I was all about it!! Turned that puppy up and started worshiping and singing.. the twins even started in with me with hands lifted high! It was awesome. As I was singing I was reflection on what the lyrics meant to me.. Now I know that when the artist wrote the song he was in a foreign country looking out into the brothels and seeing all the children and all the sin, he kept peace by singing these lyrics "greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done.. in this city". This is awesome and reassuring to keep in heart, that God see's it all... and he is constantly working and weaving it all into a plan. He is not done yet.. there are greater things yet to come, on earth and in heaven. Amen!
I like to also reflect this song to a more personal level while I sing it.. I see myself as "the city". Jesus says in Matthew 4:14
“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden;"
I desire to live my life as this. A light in the world, a city on a hill. Still sometimes I get unsure of myself.. sometimes I question if I'm making a mistake with this clothing venture, sometimes I wonder if anyone will even care or desire to get the "bigger message" . That's when I remember that God is not done with me yet.. and greater things are yet to come, greater things are yet to be done in THIS city. Praise God!!
So the fun part of this is... I went to get some coffee in the morning before getting my son to school. At the Valero station, i bought coffee and some doughnuts for the kiddos. I pulled a 20$ from the profits that I had earned from Roo's Fashions. I was kinda feeling guilty cause I kinda made a mental promise that the money that Roo's made would not spend for anything other than 1- more material 2- Gods will in ministry which could be tithing, outreach, donation, helping someone etc. Yeah and here I was buying doughnuts and coffee.. it gets worse.. I also purchased lottery scratch offs with the money!!ugh!! lol. I am not a gambler per say.. lol.. but i do like to have fun with a few scratch off's here and there. I like every once and again picken up a few, so its not surprising or out of the ordinary that I would do this.. just bummed that i did it with the money I kinda dedicated to those two things. So anywho.. that was early morning before taking the boy to school.... now I was on my way back listening to this song (God of this city) and two great things happened.... One, as i was driving past the gas station on my road.. a lil girl probably 3-4yrs old was just wondering around the lot.. there were not many cars so it was easy to see her.. she was just dancing around ballerina style. So here I am listening to this song.. singing.. crying.. and then as almost in slow motion a lil girl dancing in the middle of a gas station all alone.! I came to a complete stop! ( thank God no cars were behind me) And i just stared at her... I wondered where her parents were.. and if I should get out and help her so she didn't walk out into traffic.. and at the same time I was in awe and just stared ... Finally! her mother showed up from out of a car that was parked along side the station.. and she just yelled (not even walked/ran to her) just yelled and motioned her to get in the car. At that moment another vehicle pulled in and almost hit her as she fell while running to her mom. (of course I almost jumped out my skin) The car stopped and the lil girl did get up and was safe. As I drove off i thought wow!! I wish i could have done something... at very least hugged her. Then I came back to this song.. and remembered God is still working here.. He was there.. That vehicle didn't hit her.. and even though this lil girl apparently didnt have a mother with the primal instinct of a mother lioness to protect her cub!.. she was still able to find happiness and joy as she danced and twirled across the lot. I imagine God holding her hand as she danced.. amazing.
Now back to the scratch off's.. I finally get home and after settling in I get to my coffee and decided I am going to blog about what I just saw.. but before that, I prayed.. (as i do always before writing a blog). I thought about that lil girl and thought about my dresses and just thought about a way to make a difference in a place that sometimes seems so dark. How can I be the light Lord? Do I really have what it takes?.. is this what you really want for me to do? Its been moving quickly but the funds are coming slowly.. .. Amen! ( ok there was more in there lol but you get the gist) lol. NOW.. SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH.. 5 bucks off a 1 dollar ticket!! woo hoo!!.. then nothing .. nothing.. and now $100..wha!! and then $100 whoa!... and $100 again!! wow!! I couldn't believe it!! 300 buck-a-roos on one ticket!!! wow, well of course I started crying and praying and thanking God.. not cause I am in need of money.. trust me my life is blessed and I never pray for prosperity really. I always tell God that I am ok with just enough. Still I couldn't help but feel like this all tied in. Like God was saying YES!! Amber you have the heart!! You are My light!! Go with it!! Be my city on a hill, and know that GREATER THINGS ARE YET TO COME AND GREATER THINGS ARE STILL TO BE DONE IN THIS CITY!!! Holy smokes!! Is God amazing or what!!!??!
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying ya'll should run out and buy lottery tickets.. lol. I'm not supporting gambling or whatever.. lol. And NO God doesn't need to use scratch off's to talk to me.. but He is a GOOD GOD, all the time, and is able to make all choices I make in my life mold-able to shine His glory!! He replaced that 20$ I was feeling guilty about and gave me more to remind me greater things are yet to come.. maybe not prosperity wise.. and I'm ok with that.. but that Roo's Fashions and the dreams and the outreach are going to produce the light! Amen!! This is great news!! God always shows me how much he loves me, to a point where I walk in a constant comfort! Its amazing! Yes, like anyone I may have my "days".. but then I remember ... There is still work that He is doing .. in THIS city! In ME!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing this moment with me!
God bless YOU!
PS: If you are interested in checking out my site and Roo's Fashions heres the link!
click ---> Roo's Fashions
All the Glory goes to Him!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
SORRY Its been so long since I last blogged.
Going to give you the quick version of whats been going on in my life!
I'm still in love with loving Jesus!! I am still walking the talk!
Since I last blogged my family and I have had lots of "God moments". We have also learned a lot and grown as individuals. Some of the challenges we faced were small.. some where huge! Through it all there was always God and the love I have for him and the faith I carry in my heart.
Teenage rage and a ongoing debate over him not wanting to go to a private christian school
My family and I assisted distant relatives with a place of dwelling for nearly 3 months. Total number of people in my home was 14 this included 10 kids all but one under the age of 10.
With that, Financial stress and physical exhaustion.
Marital issues that seemed to stem from stress and lack of peace.
Illness, Every child in my family was sick at least three times over the past three months each episode lasting a week.
Blessings and growth:
My choice to enroll my son in CCS school has been confirmed to be the right thing for him. God sent me many people who unbeknownst to them, spread to me the good news of CCS and how it has improved/changed the lives of their kids. My son was able to participate in a church theatrical production "Heavens gates Hells flames" where during one of the prayer sessions he was pulled aside and told by a lady who we barely know, that God told her that he was to be a very important/special person. This changed his mind and heart about the school and now things are going smoother. (this was not the first time he has been told this.. God himself talked to my son at a very young age and sent him this exact message).
The family that stayed with us although challenging at times, brought our family closer together and allowed us time to spend doing things outside the house together. We also learned through the changes we had to make, that we are fortunate in this life and we should always keep thanksgiving in our hearts for all that God has blessed us. We learned humbleness, humility and patience.. ( especially me) .
With financial strain came FAITH! and God had taken care of our debt. We had enough money through our tax return, to pay the bills that came with hosting so many, and still some to pay for half the tuition for CCS!
Through the strain, my relationship took a nose dive... But God is able to use it all.. I hit a low in my heart and life.. and wanted out. God gave me the grace and patience to take one day at a time. I learned to just keep my focus on him and let him deal with the rest. "the rest" is getting better day by day.
With illness, I learned that I needed REST!! And I took it. Slowing my day to day activities and keeping kiddos in bed, left me plenty of time on my hands to CRAFT!! by the end of it I had completed 15 dresses and learned how to sew clothing for even myself. I began an idea that God gave to me, to start a christian line of children clothing. I kick off its debut this weekend!!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" Philippians: 4:13
So that is the short short version. Lots of laughs and tears thru all that.. but in the end..
GOD IS GOOD!! and he is good to me!!
Which brings me to my next thing.. Gonna post an email of mine between myself and a friend. seems like I always get great ideas for blogs just being the light and talking about God to others..... So here is the email, entitled God is good!
ME: I better can appreciate my God. He was there... all along. Making sure.. that things never went Too far!
FRIEND: BUT WHY WASN'T HE THERE FOR MANY OTHER CHILDREN IN THE WORLD. WHY YOU. WHY ME. WHY NOT OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS? I AM NOT QUESTIONING HIS JUDGMENT OR REASON. I AM SURE THEY ARE JUST AND RIGHT. BUT WHY CAN'T WE KNOW THEY DID NOT GET TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO DISCOVER HIS GRACE. WHY SO MANY IN AFRICA NEVER WILL NO MATTER HOW LONG THEY LIVE? I JUST WISH WE WERE WORTHY ENOUGH TO KNOW OR INTELLECTUALLY HIGH ENOUGH FOR HIM TO TRUST US WITH SUCH INFORMATION.
ME :I was never raped, or overdosed. I never wanted to commit suicide, never beat to a pulp and left for dead. Never robbed of my spirit. Then.. when the time was right.. he delivered me. And my life as an adult has been really fortunate.. really blessed. Not because I deserved it.. not because I earned it. but because He loves me! And he delivered me time and time again from the pain.
FRIEND: I DON'T THINK IS JUST LOVE. THERE HAS GOT TO BE ANOTHER REASON. I SAY THIS BECAUSE HE LOVES ALL OF US AND YET WE DO NOT ALL GET SAVED. WE ARE NOT ALL SHOWED THE SAME MERCY. THERE HAS TO BE A REASON. MY MOTHER SAYS THAT PERHAPS GOD MAKES OTHERS SUFFER TO SHOW US THE PAIN WE ARE BEING SAVED FROM OR PERHAPS EVERY CHILD BORN HAS AN SPIRIT OF AN ANGEL WITH A LESSON TO LEARN.
ME: I know that now.. all the blessings I have had in my life where gifts.. and I thank him every day for each and every one of them. I cant make up for lost time.. but I am sure to acknowledge him now and forever.
Sure.. life will still have its ups and downs.. cause Im still learning.... but now I know I dont have to do things on my own and if I listen.. really listen.. He will guide me to be the best me, and live the best life.
I GUESS WE ALL TURN TO HIM FOR OUR OWN REASON.
YOU SEEM TO TURN TO HIM FOR LOVE. LOVE YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT SINCE I MET YOU. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT THEN, BUT PERHAPS YOU WERE LOOKING FOR GOD ALL ALONG. PERHAPS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR MAN TO GIVE THAT WHICH ONLY GOD CAN OFFER. OF COURSE I REALIZE THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. YOU SAID A FEW YEARS AGO THAT I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU ANYMORE. PERHAPS THIS IS JUST MY OWN MOVIE IN MY HEAD TITLED: WHAT THE F@#$ HAPPENED BACK THEN? ANYWHO, I AM GLAD YOU FOUND LOVE. I AM GLAD YOU FOUND IT IN GOD. HE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN.
I LOOK TO HIM FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.
LOVE IS NOT SOMETHING I LACK. AND EVEN THOUGH UNTIL THIS DAY NO WOMAN HAS EVER HAS EVER LOVED ME AS SELFLESSLY AS I HAVE, EVEN THOUGH GOD HAS NOT YET BLESS ME WITH SUCH A COMPANION, I DON'T EVER FIND MYSELF CRAVING IT, MAYBE ONCE IN A WHILE I WISH I KNEW WHAT IT FELT LIKE, BUT IS MORE CURIOSITY THAN YEARNING.
SO WHY DO I LOOK TO/FOR HIM. FOR COMFORT. I LIKE THE FEELING I GET WHEN I AM REMEMBERED THAT NOTHING IS REALLY UNDER MY CONTROL. I LIKE THE FEELING I GET WHEN I STAY CALM AND TRY TO LISTEN TO HIS GUIDANCE. I LIKE THE FEELING I GET WHEN I FEEL HE IS TALKING TO ME EVEN THOUGH MOST TIMES I CAN'T REALLY HEAR WHAT HE SAYS. I LIKE THE FEELING I GET IN KNOWING THAT ALL I HAVE TO DO IS BE QUIETER, COME CLOSER AND I WILL HEAR HIM LOUD AND CLEAR. AND IRONICALLY, I LIKE THE FEELING I GET WHEN I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN, I DO WHAT I WANT, AND EVERYTHING GOES WRONG. BECAUSE IS THEN, THAT I REALLY KNOW HE IS THERE. BECAUSE IF I HAD JUST DONE WHAT GOD TELLS ME, EVERY THING WOULD HAVE BEEN OK... IS LIKE EVIDENCE THAT HE EXIST. CRAZY HU?
MY REPLY VIA EMAIL
GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! In the bible it says...
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalms 100:5
Jesus was on the road, making His final journey to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover. This time He Himself would be the Passover Lamb, slain for the sins of the world. As He walked along with His disciples, a young man ran up to Him, knelt down in front of Him and asked, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” (Mark 10:17)
“Why do you call Me good?” Jesus asked. “No one is good except God alone” (Mark 10:18). His comment was not a denial of His deity, as some have suggested, but rather an opportunity for the rich young ruler to confess his faith in Christ’s divine person. That confession never came, indicating the man’s lack of spiritual understanding. But Christ’s statement tells us something about God that we need to consider if we ever hope to know Him intimately. God is good, and beyond that, He is the only one who can rightfully be called good.
Let me tell you thru personal experience .. GOD is good ALL the TIME! Amen!
Even when Jesus tells us the DEVIl comes to STEAL , KILL AND DESTROY.(Make no mistake.. everything Jesus says is for good and not by chance). in other words.... think of this.. Why arent there 100's of people every night trying to steal my red unlocked super smooth Ferrari every night that sits outside? Cause there is no car! lol I dont own one. So no one is trying to steal anything we dont have. BUT the adversary comes to steal my joy daily, kill my dreams of success and tries to destroy my knowledge of salvation. I have something that he doesnt so he tries to rob me of it! So that is a way is good news... that I have the light.. and the dark hates it.
When you talk about the "suffering" ... two things come to mind. First is, that the sufferings of the world are not worthy enough to be compared or out shone to the GLORY of MY GOD. We are but here on this earth for seconds of existence. The other thing that comes to mind is that any and all suffering was put here by SIN. Not God! We are to be conquerors of the devil, world and the flesh, and we do this by faith in Jesus and what he did for us. We conquer death thru the blood of the lamb. We do NOT have to suffer, because Jesus has paid our ransom. Its up to us to have faith and believe.
One thing you hit right on.... its is NOT for us to know all of that which God has planned. But we must have faith that the works of GOD are Good! All the time. For he is not a God who can lie... this is the one thing he can NOT DO.
HEBREWS 6:18 `So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us.
NUMBERS 23:19`God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?
Those who die and were never given the opportunity to know of God or Jesus.. they are like children.. unaware to the world, oblivious.. or what some call " under the age of accountability". The easy answer.. is Jesus came to save NOT condemn the world. and he died for ALL sins! Even those who do not know him, are sinful by nature and by birth. To get a better understanding with a bunch of fancy talk.. lol here is a link to a GREAT!! site and explanation. http://www.
gotquestions.org/age-of- accountability.html . Do check this out.
Lastly... as for the "looking" for love saga..lol.. well I guess you are right in a way. lol. I was looking for fullness.. yes. Having been abandoned at an early age left me feeling incomplete. When I found LOVE and all it could offer me.. great as it was, it was still not enough.. because.. I was looking for something only God could fill. See God wants us to see him, wants us to know him.. wants us to love him. So true is it, that when we have voids in our lives.. he crafts them so beautifully that they are only filled by him. Like he said to the Samaritan lady.. " those who drink from My well shall never thirst again" . Amen!
I have been loved enormously.. and had I loved God then, I would have been able to appreciate and reciprocate it more, I would not have held a person responsible for filling the void in me that was only intended for God to fill. So I was in a constant state of thirst.
I have now received his love and every day I unlock how vast it is.. the depths of it surpass any romantic/parental love. And yes I was looking... we all are looking./.. cause he designed it that way. We all are missing something.. but we just cant quite put our finger on it.... When we dont know God.. we believe its other things like ... that new job, that friend, that relationship, that money, that car, that social busyness.. etc. But thats a lie... what we are feeling is the undeniable innate feeling that we were meant for something more.
“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world”
JOHN 15:19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
I have found the highest love in God for sure, and he always intended me to..
He is Jealous for us.
Gods LOVE is the point.. His love for us is plainly explained .....
JOHN 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Wow.. I could go o n forever!! It really is great news!! God will finish the works he started in you .. just keep seeking him out. Remember...
Do not let your heart be troubled by the worries of THIS world.. for you were never intended for it.
I am going to take a new direction here with this blog .. seeing as how life is happening in fast forward these days...
“And unless those days were shortened, no flesh
would be saved; but for the elect's sake those days will be shortened”
I have decided to blog short stories of how good god is. In other words my next few blogs to come will be short stories of how God has shown me the goodness of his mercy and grace. Stories of his words to me, and all experiences that WOW me of GOD! Then Ill throw an update in there from time to time that give an in depth look. I think this will help me in keeping up the blog. :)
As always thank you for reading along on this beautiful journey.
May God bless you!